As the title says, I’m at my breaking point. My fiancé and I are getting married on September 6th of this year. But this whole wedding planning chaos has gotten me to another level, for one simple reason: people’s opinions about my acne. Nonstop nagging, nonstop picking, nonstop pointing. I went back to my families house tonight and that’s all my parents wanted to talk about. I wanted to talk to my dad about our father daughter dance, but all my dad and mom wanted to talk to me about was my acne.
I have been having pretty bad breakouts recently and I have hormonal acne. I was on accutane when I was 18 and it’s been slowly coming back. My mom won’t stop bringing it up every time I go over to my families house. She’s worried about “how I’ll be a bride with my face looking so ugly.” She’s even gotten my dad to try to talk to me about it. I love my dad and I don’t want to get angry at him, but now she’s using him as her mouthpiece.
My fiancé tells me how beautiful I am every day, and he told me it hurts him when my mom says stuff like this, because I end up not trusting him when he tells me how beautiful I am. I keep having my mom’s voice in the back of my head telling me how ugly I am, or how bad my acne looks, how I’m too fat or have too many stretch marks. He’s sent my mom a message before saying that it hurts him when I come home crying because of the things my mom says. She comes back and says “I’m just a concerned mother, I’m just worried about my daughter and she needs to look the most beautiful on her wedding day, without flaws.” He’s trying not to say too much because he doesn’t want to have a bad relationship with my parents before the wedding, and tells me that after the wedding, we can cut them off so we don’t have to hear any more nagging. His grandparents and mom have also told him not to say anything before it puts a bad taste in my parents mouth about him. But every day, I’m getting more and more insecure, and I’m afraid that on the day of my wedding, I won’t feel beautiful. And that breaks my heart.
It’s not like I’ve not been trying to do anything about it either. I’ve been trying to use face washes, different topical ointments, and no matter what, my dermatologists keep getting me to go back on acutane, but I don’t want dry freaking skin on my wedding day and I don’t want to use birth control on my honeymoon. I’m going back to them to try and find more medications that will work on my face, but it sometimes feels like I don’t even want to, because I don’t want my parents to think they can push me around, when I’m going to be a bride.
I’m at my wits end. I’m so tired of their opinions. I love my parents, but what they’re saying hurts me. I feel self conscious about my acne too, but now, ima bout to cancel the whole wedding, because I don’t even want to talk to my parents anymore. It puts my fiancé in a heard place, because he and my dad have such a great relationship together.
To some of you, this might seem like such a micro-issue. But my mom’s Albanian and to her, weddings are about looking as wealthy as possible, and for her family to look good. And I’m tired of playing her games.
I told my mom a wedding isn’t a “model runway” for me, it’s a time for me and my future husband to make a holy covenant together under God and to celebrate. She said, “if that’s the case why don’t you just elope? So no one sees your face. It’s the worst it has ever looked and I can’t even look at it.”
Honestly, I have no idea what to do anymore. If anyone has any thoughts, please share. I’m at my final straw and I have no idea what to say to my parents, and I have no idea what to do.
Edit: my parents are paying for a majority of the wedding because my fiancé and I are paying for school and other expenses, so I’m so grateful to them for everything, but now I feel like I’m under their shoe buckle because of it and I can’t stand up for myself. My parents really do want us to be married, but it’s hard because even though they love us, they say these things to me. I also try to remind them that I’m having a professional makeup artist do my makeup so blemishes won’t be seen, but it goes through deaf ears, I guess.
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